| | it's been - what ? a week, right ? i still find myself in mourning. i don't cry as much anymore though. i've just been in the remembering mood.
the thursday i found out, i was at a pool party. someone came with the news and i screamed a very shrilling "Nooooooo" that people were annoyed by, i could tell. sorry, guys.
a couple of days passed, and little by little, i would remember that he's gone.
i haven't had cable or any tv channels since September, so unlike everyone else who was bombarded with the News & interviews & replays of videos & songs... i wasn't. haha, i was pretty much secluded. it wasn't until i finally got my turn on the Computer With Speakers, that it finally fully hit me. i think i was listening to some songs...starting with his cover of Who's Lovin You... cuz that was something i was trying to perfect the whole month... lol, to HOLD MY HAND with Akon... and hearing him sing "This life don't last forever" made me cry. It was just the fact that it was his voice singing that & the reality of it. Man in the Mirror made me cry even more.
it was a couple of days after when i visited my workplace and Theresa was there. i haven't seen her in a couple of weeks, and she looked at me sadly and told me the same news. she said she had called in to work the day she found out, just to check if i was okay. that kinda got to me...nobody's ever really done that before. she said she thought i broke down or something cuz she knew how much I loved MJ...
I think I actually REALLY broke down that night.
I didn't really sleep that night. I think I fell asleep at 4am and my mom woke me up at 630am to do some chores... so I forced myself to get up... I was doing laundry, singing Man in the Mirror, when I started bawling. I don't know what was going on. My heart felt Sooo Soo heavy and just torn... My mom thought it was because I'm lazy and didn't wanna do the laundry... She didn't believe me at my first when I said that I'm crying for Michael Jackson.
Her words were ... "Would you cry for a criminal?"
And I said , choking up, "Yesss, WhY NOT. God loves them too!"
Oh man, my little sister was looking at me weird, my dad just gave me a look and then looked at my mom. I turned away and kept doing the laundry. I cried a few more times after that. I had work afterwards and upon coming home, to my surprise, i found my mom and my older sister crying about him. what a moment.
Looking back on that moment, I find it kind of interesting with the way I reacted. I didn't know him personally. Why was I crying?
I just felt like the world truly did lose somethin special. Also the fact that the way he left, at 50, with unsettled personal things in his life.. I don't know. It seemed so...unfair, almost.
I believed he had a good soul, and had a heart for people. And vitiligo wasn't an easy thing to go through but people didn't believe it. Just the fact that he had to suffer through all of that, the injustice moved me, I guess. And not knowing if he went to heaven or hell.
I guess I'm also sad that I didn't get an MJ Ultimate Collection from HMV when it was on sale a few months ago... and now the prices have probably gone up.
At least I learned more things we have in common that I could love more about him - love for children, Peter Pan <3. , Music, Poetry... and... F I L M.
mmm i'm tired.
my brain is no longer working properly. i'll add more or make a new post if i remember.
Goodnight.
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| | Posted 7/6/2009 2:02 AM - 5 Views - 0 eProps - 0 comments
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