sharondanicest's Xanga

No Greater Deception, Than Self-Deception

Thu, 05 Nov 2009 18:54:06 GMT

last night , i decided to look into my devotionals:

Nov.4:
"There is no greater deception than self-deception. It is a tragic trap laid for everyone, but especially vulnerable are those who have achieved...and start reading their own clippings. Here's my advice:
1. Get a good education - BUT GET OVER IT.
2. Reach the maximum of your potential - BUT DONT TALK ABOUT IT.
3. Walk devotedly with God - BUT DONT TRY TO LOOK LIKE IT.

If anyone thinks he is something when he is nothing, he deceives himself - Gal.6:3 "

- Charles R. Swindoll.

Rocky says.

Sat, 31 Oct 2009 03:39:52 GMT

Let me tell you something you already know...
The world ain't all sunshine and rainbows. It's a very mean and nasty place and I don't care how tough you are, it will beat you to your knees and keep you there permanently, if you let it. You, me, or nobody is going to hit as hard as life. It ain't about how hard you hit, it's about how hard you can get hit and keep moving foward, how much you can take and keep moving forward. That's how winning is done. Now, if you know what you're worth, then go out and get what your worth! But you've got to be willing to take the hits, and not be pointing fingers saying you aint what you wanna be because of him or her or anybody. Cowards do that, and that ain't you. You're better than that!

no matter what happens, i won't stop writing -

Tue, 27 Oct 2009 00:11:46 GMT

it was due yesterday & the topic was one i could not really do much with - or so i thought - maybe only because i've decided to draw far from it as i could - but nevertheless, i handed it in :

what does the world know of love?

All this world knows is pain and deceit.
Hate-driven actions concealed in kindness.
For selfish reasons, embracing blindness -
There's no way to tell the difference -
What's real and what's not?

What does the world know of love?
A childlike innocence,
untainted and forgiving,
unknown to the cruelty of a world basking in self-conceit.

What does the world know of love?
A world hurting from its own self-affliction,
turns to itself, and searches through its dark,
selfish motives, a way out of its own insecurities -
A mouth professing love to another,
yet with the same lips they harbour hate;
With contrasting actions that deny true affections -
and expect to be rewarded by a self-paved fate;
ignorantly ignoring the heavens that know their true hearts.

What does the world know of love?
Songs they write about this so-called emotion;
comparing it with the heights of the sky
with the depths of the ocean;
They sing it so convincingly -
their hearts so convicting of this wanting feeling;
thinking it's what their hurts need to have some healing-
so they work for this alleged charity,
plunging themselves in the impossible;
an endless cycle of fear and blame;

then their songs turn from that of pleasant anticipation -
but to one of frustration -

how could you be so cold as the winter wind?
what has been your part in this?
my head keeps spinning, welcome to heartbreak
and how could you be so heartless?

what does the world know of love?
they know of its image, the reflection of
its beauty, in their hearts -

familiar with the difference it can bring,
that warmth of a friend thats miles apart -

but does it know of Love?
that which is far from Traditional,
the True, Untainted Purity
of Love that is Unconditional -

that though with empty hope,
through fake sincerity of falsified affections -
there lies a shred of Truth that is the meaning of
Love -

that is of sacrifice -
wholly and unwanted-
but willing to give-
through the darkest of nights
yet this love still continues to live

through the enemies laughter,
it was me, He was after -
and so he took the lashes of humanity-

the world knows not of Love,
till they know of Its source, the maker of -
for it is not through our words that we speak
that our love is made manifest -
it is the actions, though difficult,
that shows our heart best -

the Real Love that the world needs
no man might be able to comprehend-
Greater love hath no man than this,
that He lay down his life for his friends.

cuz i laid Truth out on the table

Sat, 24 Oct 2009 04:07:07 GMT

i'm swamped in readings on top of readings on top of readings on top of readings & essays on top of midterms on top of Deutsch on top of Drama on top of Psych on top of Lit - Ich kenne Spanish Tragedies wyrd spellin and neurons lucid dreaming jamesjoyce's streamofconsciousness ness ness ness.

yet , i'm okay.

it's been a weird week i guess .

i just love the feeling of knowing that God knows my heart.
and God knows the truth.
and i have nothing to hide.
because i speak it.

it's lovely.
quite -

i just don't feel like dealing with hypocrites atm, and i need to focus on school.

other than that, motivated to live life - learn lessons - hopefully be able to teach them.

this could have been poetic.
but i wrote it straight up cuz i'm tired and i have work...mm..

untitled truth

Wed, 21 Oct 2009 17:33:03 GMT

:)

Some people are really gross - I'm just full out disgusted by the fact that they think that they can hide something and pretend to be something that they're not. Just shut up.

Also, don't call me your friend if you're not going to act like it.
Stop being gullible.

I'm exhausted now -
for the longest time, I've been saying things against facades and people pretending,
and the thing is, I've been the biggest pretender of all.

Pretending that I'm okay with how people have been treating me,
pretending that i'm okay with how some so called friends are so easil-swayed -

Just go away.

One thing I love right now are real friends who understand real people and real life.
There are people out there who enjoy watching other people suffer -
I know it's a hard truth to embrace , but they exist.
And I'm stupid enough to always get involved with people like that, and give them chances on top of chances, on top of chances -
and on top of that, I always end up making friends who are stupid enough to fall for their so called "sincerity" and frankly,
I'm tired of pretending.

I am seeing a lot of people in a different light now.
And although it's hard, it's the truth, period.
Ironically, my glasses had to break in order for me to see this.

if you're my friend and you're reading this , can you keep your mouth shut and mind your own business? cuz if you really care about me, you would not say anything to further the situation, trying to "help".

Kafka

Tue, 20 Oct 2009 00:43:22 GMT

modern literature takes human situations and allegorizes it, where metaphors take hold of life.
but i can't live in metaphors...though I'll attempt to write one.

in a kafka-esque kind of world, apparently good never wins.
reminds you of why Passions was such an annoying show.
why did evil keep winning? you never saw real justice take place, hence, real peace was never accomplished.

in a world where people justify their actions by fleeting emotions, and where they think it's okay to hurt other people to make themselves feel better -
in a world where people think it's okay to go through other people's things, and then victimize themselves so that they seem innocent -
not owning up to the extent of their actions, but instead excusing their evils -
in a world where, reputations don't matter,
and respect isn't considered.

i apparently live in that world.

ouchie God help me

Mon, 19 Oct 2009 02:24:58 GMT

my heart is heavy
and feeling tired.

this isn't a poem.
literally, it kinda hurts.

i should sleep
but my soul isn't peaceful enough;

i had a dream that my friend signed his soul to the devil,
and then begged me to help him,
but it was too late.

i don't know if that's supposed to be symbolism.
it's just life.
and besides, two-faced girls being compared to the devil is kinda stretching it out...is it

this is the real life, it's where they fake it

Sun, 11 Oct 2009 04:52:24 GMT

what a long day - finally worked for the first time in weeks, and i must say, it felt pretty good, on top of Tiring. i missed work though.. i also Cannot complain about school. i probably can, but i just - i'm not going to complain about it. i've been away from it for so long that i finally feel like i'm part of something again! expanding my horizons, broadening my perception, learning new things... it's awesome :)

then i hung out with Roselle for a bit; i thought the sarcastic korean was paul cho at first but then i realized it was Seyon. we all watched Princess Bride <3. i love that movie ; ahahaha, and i must admit, i love explaining things to kids. i don't nkow why. it's just awesome.

so lately, between the braintorture of hmwk, some thoughts have come across - like, do things happen for a reason? and yes. cliche, i know, but like, i feel like sometimes, faith is a difficult task.

and *forgive the bad grammar, from a supposed english major* i just feel negative towards the past, when circumstances seem to have been in vain. & where injustice and dishonesty prospers, it unsettles me. The phrase "ignorance is bliss"comes to mind a lot & is such an enticing thought -

oh wow, it's really late. i kinda forgot most of what i was going to write... sadness. i might just post something i wrote the other day that pushan told me to xanga:

and so i've realized-
i've stepped into the Real Life
filled w/ Surreal lies
they tell to themselves
thinking of noone else,
and i'm watching it all happen,
everything's just an act,
and they're asking me to sit back,
so i can take it all in
watch them living in sin,
and continue their pretending -
but i can't , i'm surrendering,
i can't help. it.

i can't be part of your facade
your bittersweetbitter dark dim dull
existance,
cuz ur scared of facing the Truth
so youd rather settle for less
of what you want
and the past may be painful
but you should never forget it -
cuz it's the proof of what you are,
and don't you ever forget it,

cuz the moment that you let go
and stop being Real
with yourself,
then youre nothing but an echo
of what you can be;
and if you want to be successful
youve gotta learn from your mistakes,
better sooner than later
you can take it from me;

don't put off your dreams,
they say to reach for the stars
but if youre breaking at the seams
then it'll be too far
and too late
to put yourself together
and to make it all better
and you'll have nothing to say
cuz it was all there;
and life won't be sorry,
it'll tell you it's fair.

lol, things ive learned from tonight

"cougar legs..lean, wobbly and lined with viracous veins."
"it's all happening in Local city fun"
"Cougar = 30, Jaguar =40, Sabertooth =50 + "

Prince Humperdinck: First things first, to the death.
Westley: No. To the pain.
Prince Humperdinck: I don't think I'm quite familiar with that phrase.
Westley: I'll explain and I'll use small words so that you'll be sure to understand, you warthog faced buffoon.
Prince Humperdinck: That may be the first time in my life a man has dared insult me.
Westley: It won't be the last. To the pain means the first thing you will lose will be your feet below the ankles. Then your hands at the wrists. Next your nose.
Prince Humperdinck: And then my tongue I suppose, I killed you too quickly the last time. A mistake I don't mean to duplicate tonight.
Westley: I wasn't finished. The next thing you will lose will be your left eye followed by your right.
Prince Humperdinck: And then my ears, I understand let's get on with it.
Westley: WRONG. Your ears you keep and I'll tell you why. So that every shriek of every child at seeing your hideousness will be yours to cherish. Every babe that weeps at your approach, every woman who cries out, "Dear God! What is that thing," will echo in your perfect ears. That is what to the pain means. It means I leave you in anguish, wallowing in freakish misery forever.
Prince Humperdinck: I think your bluffing.
Westley: It's possible, Pig, I might be bluffing. It's conceivable, you miserable, vomitous mass, that I'm only lying here because I lack the strength to stand. But, then again... perhaps I have the strength after all.

I LOVE PRINCESSBRIDE<3..

productive, yet depressing

Wed, 07 Oct 2009 16:45:40 GMT

today has been pretty productive;
but i am so down, and it's pissing me off.

but hey, here's a song anthony mentioned to me,
and i actually like it a lot:

your courage asked me what i am made of

Mon, 05 Oct 2009 00:17:14 GMT

today inspired me in a lot of ways ...
morning service, dr. atkinson mentioned Chuck Templeton's distance from God and his comment about Jesus: "I miss Him, so much" hit me.

I never want to be that far away from Jesus, that it would cause me to say that.

It's hard to put into words, but, it's a reality we need to keep reminding ourselves of everyday... how close are we to Him???

this evening, i sang with Laura at MCBC for a Ladies meeting & someone was talking about this organization called Project Hannah - and what I got from that, was how powerful prayer is, and how powerful God is, and how, as Christians, we really. don't. pray. enough.

& there was this song, that I just learned of and that I like very much :)

i saw what i saw - sarah groves

I saw what I saw and I can't forget it
I heard what I heard it and I can't go back
I know what I know and I can't deny it
Something on the road cut me to the soul

your pain has changed me
your dream inspires
your face a memory
your hope a fire
your courage asked me
what I'm afraid of
and what I know of
Love

we've done what we've done and we can't erase
we are what we are and it's more than enough
we have what we have but it's no substitution

i say what i saw with no hesitation
i have what i have but i'm giving it up
i do what i do with deep conviction
something on the road cut me to the soul

your pain has changed me
your dreams inspire
your face a memory
your hope a fire
your courage asked me what I'm afraid of
your courage asked me
what i am made of
and what i know of
Love
and what i know of
God